who said all elites were stupid?
by gutenik
Summary: some one told me that this story was bad but that was probobly cause he or she was sane and this story is for the INSANE so you might not like it if your sane or have a hard to crack sence of humor.


The elite had been in the vent for a while and was cramped but he knew he had to stay in

there to destroy the green man before he awoke. His mission was half complete. Get on the pillar of autumn, check. He herd foot steps and crawled further into the vent

the elite herd a voice say 'Jim its all good lets crack open the case' and than the sound of the crio chamber heating up.

'all right but if he is still angry about us shoving him in there than take note that you're the one down there in front of him' said the man who was apparently named Jin or Jimbo or what ever it was elites didn't give much regard for names.

The other man took a step sideways 'um he wasn't……..too angry when we shoved him in was … he?' he asked in what sounded like a very scared voice.

'No he wouldn't be angry, I mean you only hit him with a fire extinguisher, kicked him, made sure he wasn't dead and then threw him in the crio chamber' said Jim sarcastically. 'Ok its opening……. Now'.

'No don't eat me!' and then the other man ran out of the room screaming.

The elite saw his chance he jumped out of the vent then saw the that the crio tube was empty. The elite was in shock then came to the sense had (not much) and jumped behind the chamber before anyone saw him. He about to peek to see if someone saw him then some one taped him on the shoulder.

'Hey freak of nature guy can you help me with my burger I cant get it in my mouth, said the master chief.

The elite looked in horror at the man, the man that he sought to destroy, was banging a…….a….. weapon, yes that's what it was a weapon of some sort, off his helmet.

'well can you help me?' asked the chief

The elite had one he turned and booked it out the door and down the hall until he ran into his leader a zealot.

'What's wrong' asked the zealot 'you looked like you saw a grunt in a bath robe'

'The man' panted elite 'the one in…….the… armor

'And?' asked the zealot

'He has a diabolical weapon!'

The elite sighed 'what did it look like?'

'Well um it had a squishy thing then an animal meat than a dairy product than another squishy thing' said the frightened elite.

The elite sighed again than said 'I'm going to tell you what it was than I'm going to ask a question, that was a cheese burger, now, how on earth did you get in the army if your scared of A CHEESE BURGER!!!'

The grunt named Renaldo, that was the zealots personal assistant and second in command was giggling.

'Well if it helps I'm scared of spiders to' said the elite.

'And I have told you many times that SPIDERS WILL NOT EAT YOUR BRAINS!!!' yelled the zealot

'mostly because he has none' laughed Renaldo.

'ok you know what I'm going to rip off your gas tank and shove it up your little-' the elite was cut off by the sounds of armored feet walking. The zealot drew his plasma rifle

The master chief was coming around the corner saying 'can anyone help me I'm getting hungry' he looked at the elite, the zealot, and the grunt and than back at the elite 'don't I know you?'

'No I'm um your um…. Err….. Imagination ya that's it um bye' the elite ran.

'we'll find him later' said the zealot

'Do we have to? asked Renaldo

'yes first we deal with this guy' said the zealot.

The grunt yelled and ran 'ill be the hero!' he ran at the chief.

The chief had but a second to react he did what came natural to him…..punted the grunt halfway across the room. The zealot grabbed the grunt and ran.

The chiefs speaker crackled than a familiar voice came threw, it was Capt. Keyes 'chief get to the bridge pronto'.

Bridge? There's a river here?' asked the chief

'No I mean the place ware you drive the ship' said Keyes

'Oh you mean the bridge' said chief.

The chief herd what sounded like a head banging off a desk. 'Yes chief, there'

'Okie dokie I'll bet right there' said the chief.

After many wrong turns and screaming people and the sound of bullets and the discharge of plasma fire. The chief got to his destination, the bridge (or more known to the chief as, the bridge) he looked at the doors and pushed threw and saw the captain and some marines playing poker. The marines saw him and hid the cards.

'Chief were at a bit of a predicament' said Keyes 'the covenant have attacking are ship and every ones working hard to stop them'.

'Weren't you just playing poker?' asked the chief

'That's not the point we need you to take them out' said Keyes.

'But wont that hurt them?' asked the chief quite concerned.

'Ye- no it wont its um……. A giant water gun fight ya and the winner gets…….. a……… a………….. dur….drink ya a drink that's it the winner gets a drink' answered Keyes.

'Oh ok!' yelled the chief happily and took the pistol.

The chief ran out the doors and around a couple of corners and then ran into a couple of marines.

'Hey chief, good to have you on the team' said one of the marines.

'Water gun fight!' yelled the chief and raised the pistol.

'Chief ? What exactly are you- oh no marines open fire!' yelled the leader of the squad.

'Oh no you don't, that drink is mine!' yelled the chief and shot at random.

The zealot kept running and the he ran into the elite that had ran from the chief.

'You' said the zealot 'are-the-biggest-little-twerp-on-the-planet'

'Isn't that a little hypocritical?' asked the elite

'It doesn't matter, now lets get out of here' answered the zealot

'How?'asked the recovering grunt

'well' said the zealot looking around at there surroundings 'if I new ware we were on this ship I could get us out of here'

'I know ware we are' said the elite

'And how exactly do you now this?' asked Renaldo 'did you use your telekinetic powers?'

'you no about my powers?!?!?!?' yelled the horrified elite

'No I was joking' said Renaldo looking slightly disturbed

'Wait I know ware we are' said the zealot who was holding an fire escape map that said:

IN CASE OF FIRE BREAK THE NEAREST WINDOW AND JUMP OUT. And directly below it was a map.

The zealot led them around many corners and then they were at the launching life boats. The zealot took out plasma grenade and blew up every one in side it. He ran in and Renaldo and the elite followed.

'Ok ill take the wheel, Renaldo you and the elite push the bodies out before we take off' said the zealot

They took off and flew toward the secret ring not knowing what laid ahead of them.


End file.
